Stop Feeling Behind in Your Thirties: Embracing an Unconventional Timeline

My life to date has not taken a linear path. I change career a lot, I struggle to hold down relationships because I'm forever on the move. I don't have babies and I don't own my own home. I've had over ten years of adventures that I wouldn't trade for the world, so why do I feel like I'm falling behind?

It's the tale as old as time, 'I'll have my shit together when I turn 30', then I turned thirty and I still did not have my shit together...

"Oh shit"... A small voice says to me as I blow out my candles on my thirtieth birthday. "Where did the time go?" I let those around me sing Happy Birthday as I look around the room and smile. I have mixed emotions. I'm so happy to be in that room, with a bunch of people who were at that point, practically family, but there was still a small part of me that felt like I'd missed the boat - that I was 'too old' to be starting a new industry, 'not brave enough' to have taken my art business seriously, 'too scared' to invest in my passions and romantic relationships and 'nervous' that I might never meet anyone who shares the same outlook on life as I do. I was soon flooded with birthday messages from people who I'd met from all over the world and I felt overwhelmed. Amongst those feelings, I also felt gratitude - gratitude for those who I have met along this journey and for those who have stuck by me all these years and still pick up the phone to call every now and again.

It's egregious really, that so much pressure and expectation has been put on a number. We inherit a framework of societal norms and a tick box of 'things we must achieve in order to be deemed successful', that must be completed before we reach a certain age. Some people tick all the boxes in 'perfect time' and are happy, but many others are curious to live differently, without being guilted that they're 'falling behind'. by societal stigmas.

I remember my Mum telling me when I was in my early twenties - 'Rebecca, you can't do it alllll' and me thinking, 'but why not?'. Ever since then, I think I have been on a mission to prove her wrong and have taken every opportunity I can to expand my skillset, explore new places, take risks, push myself out of my comfort zone and to try and travel the world, despite my growing fear of flying... All this to say, it has certainly come with extreme highs and extreme low's.

I am currently sat at my parents dining table, typing away. I am currently living here after being home for the last two months. I don't have a grand plan for the future - all I know is that I love to create, write and travel. It can feel overwhelming sometimes - the thought of not owning a home, or having a big career, or a long term relationship, or a cute little baby. My path looks a little different and that is okay (I tell myself on a daily basis).

So here is my unconventional timeline of the last ten years (which may inspire you or send you running for the hills), from the age of 18, to present day. Buckle up...

Timeline:

18-21 - I leave Saltash and head to Nottingham Trent University where I study Broadcast Journalism. I learn that I suck behind the camera and making phone calls to the City Council, but I love to edit and capture videography. I snog a load of horrible boys, cringe at the many drunk texts I send and pretend to play tennis so I can organise the weekly socials. The Wednesday night sports social becomes my favourite activity and my fancy dress box begins to overflow. I fall in love with my flatmates who I am still obsessed with to this day.

In between each university summer, I decide to travel to America, where I work at an all girls summer camp in Maine. I am a swim instructor and bunk counsellor - which means living with nine 12 year old girls who ask me constantly if I have a boyfriend and to give them sex tips (amongst other inappropriate things). I meet some wonderful people and spend three summers there in total in between term time. I visit many places in the US over the three years, but California is by far my favourite.

21 - I graduate university with a 2.1 and decide that I'm not quite ready for adult life. My travel bug is fresh and plan a year long trip with my new uni friends, starting off in Hong Kong, then heading to SE Asia and Australia. We travel for three months before landing in Aus. My first job is working in a pretentious cafe on Bondi beach, which I HATE (the owner is trash) - I last about a month. My second job pushes me completely out of my comfort zone... Picture a 20 year old sheepish looking girl, trying to make eye contact with you in a busy shopping mall, hands wrapped around a 'THE LATEST' soap from the Dead Sea. Yep that was me, trying to lure you in to buy products from the Dead Sea. I work with two rock star humans who make it bearable, but I quit after our first road trip. I then find a job working as an Au Pair for an affluent family in Sydney. They have four kids who range from 2-10. It is the best form contraception. One day I take the kids to the park and within minutes the oldest is chasing a bunch of kids around the swings with a with a GIANT stick calling them peasants. All the parents are staring at me. I keep my cool and manage to get them home safely. I take the kids to swimming lessons one Saturday morning and the Dad decides to come along, who I rarely see. On the way home he tells me that 'the other Dad's think we're having an affair'. Startled, I reply 'I hope you told them we're not'. This did not startle me at the time I must add, but looking back, wtf. I head back to the UK shortly after.

I land back in the UK at the one year mark and don't extend my visa to return to Aus. I opt out of doing my farm work, which I do regret a little bit. I get a job at my local leisure centre as a lifeguard and see all my old mates (I initially worked there when I was 16-18). I start to search for a big girl job with absolutely no idea what I am looking for. I stumble across the idea of working in PR and find it interesting, so I start applying for a few consumer agencies, who specialise in food and sport.

22-26

A few months later, I land my first role and head to London. I get very lucky and find a Spare Room in Balham, South London, with two wonderful girls who are my saving grace. We get on instantly and have many, many messy nights out together. RIP Clapham High Street. After 3.5 years in the industry, working with some of the best people in the business (I am bias, but they were fab), I start to feel overworked and nearing burn out. I'm drinking too much and making questionable romantic choices. I decide to quit at the end of the year and apply for ski season jobs, searching for a change of pace. I get a few interviews and the night before one them I am asked to 'bake something'. I decide to make Cinnamon Buns at 9pm the night before, because 'how hard could it be'. Holy hell, don't ever do this! They take absolutely AGES and I go to bed at 1:00am. I think my sister had to run to Saino's to buy cinnamon five minutes before they shut, it was very stressful. The next week I find out that I have the job and can I start in two weeks?

26-27

I pack up my life in London and four days later fly to Geneva to start training. Seasonaire life is sooo good. I meet some absolute legends and start to get better at skiing. I soon realise that I picked a dodgy company to work for and I cry A LOT more than anticipated (I don't expect to work harder in the mountains than my PR job, but I get that very wrong). Meribel is a delight and I love living here. I fall in love with the village and ski area and even meet a guy who changes the way I look at myself (for the better - what a legend).

March soon hits and everything comes crashing down. Covid makes its way to the Alps and sends us home (with a lot of French toilet roll in tow). I move back home with my family, minus my brothers and life comes to an abrupt holt. I dig out my paints and start painting again. It gives me a new lease of life. My sister and I get a job at Waitrose and we work there for a year, unexpectedly. In that time I start to sell my art online and set up an Instagram page - my passion for creating grows.

27 - 29

Covid slows down and I decide to get out of Plymouth and move to Cornwall. I sign up to do a course in Newquay, where I spend three months learning how to be an outdoor activity instructor (costeer guiding, kayaking, surfing, bodyboarding, swimming, etc...) The course is made up of nine girls of varying ages. We spend three months in the ocean learning many new skills and I find my love for surfing again.

Once the course is over me and the girls search for accommodation and find an old B&B to live in - it is hideous. Picture blue walls, 60's decor, green carpets, 3D wallpaper that is falling off the walls, a dingy kitchen and a random room that is covered in mould and has a weird smell (we keep the door shut at all times). The house is full of character and perfect for seven instructors, their summer beau's and a dog.

The house is absolute choas all summer, with the front door constantly open to anyone and everyone. One day I come home to see my boyfriend's Dad doing my washing up. Various gatherings and outdoor dinner parties take place and I spend my 28th birthday eating pizza on the wonky front patio. Some of my fondest and saddest memories are formed in that house.

I spend two years in Newquay in total, teaching in the summer months and keeping a low profile in the winter working hospitality jobs and painting - it's all very wholesome.

My last summer is 2022 and it is possibly one of my favourite summers ever. It is filled with good people, amazing weather, surfing, sea swims, great craic, beach bbq's, festivals and falling asleep in front of the fire. I watch TV once or twice during the whole summer.

Sadly, some of my closest friends decide to move on and leave Newquay. I decide it's also time to get a better paid job so I can come back to Newquay in the future and live a slightly nicer existence. I decide yachting is the way forward and I pack my bags once again.

29-30

I head to the Isle of White and complete the necessary courses that I need to do, so I can land my first yachting gig. I finish up at the end of November and decide that I'll apply for jobs in April when the Med season starts, which leaves me with a large chunk of time to fill. I decide to sell my beloved van and book my first solo trip to Central America. I leave in January. I sign up for various yoga teacher trainings, but end up on the waitlist of the one I really want to do, which I'm sad about. I commence my trip and start off in Montezuma, then head to Santa Theresa, where I surf and draw a lot.

I bump into a lovely girl one day, who tells me she's doing her yoga teacher training the following week, I ask her where and she says Lakshmi Rising. I tell her I am on the waitlist, but didn't quite make it onto the programme. She says to me, 'That's such a shame, I reckon someone will pull out and we will meet again'. I shit you not, the next morning I get a call from the director who says someone dropped out due to injury and do I want the final space? I say yes and head back to Montezuma with my new friend in tow. A miracle (I'll do a full post on my YTT, because it was amazing).

I get home in March and spend a few weeks hanging with family. I end up meeting a boy which leads me to missing my flight out to the South of France. Oops. I rebook and begin my quest of finding a job. I meet an interesting lady in a hostel in Cannes called Joy. She is in her seventies and is backpacking Europe on her own. She is from New York and is obsessed with Marianne Williamson - weird, as I read her book just weeks before whilst I was on my YTT, as all the girls were super into it. The book is all about how life is filled with miracles and not coincidences. She told me I had a warm spirit and that I'd find a job in no time. We spend a few days together getting coffee and wondering around the streets of Cannes. She tells me all about the miracles that have occurred in her life. I'm unsure I believe everything she says, but she's so carefree and light, that I feel myself opening my mind to the possibility what she is telling me. She tells me I'm going to be okay and I believe her. Sure enough, I land my first job four days after I say goodbye to Joy.

I spend the next six months working on a yacht, which is both rewarding and extremely challenging. We charter around Italy, France and Corsica. Corsica is my favourite place. The crew is small and we all bond within a short space of time and become a very dysfunctional family. It's intense and there are many tears, arguments and disagreements. Highlights are the anchor breaking and having an unexpected day off in Positano, eating the best pasta I've ever had in Naples, my birthday cake, our first charter and showering Amber with tip money one day after a horrible charter.

30-31

By October, it's time to leave and I head back to the UK in search of my next yachting job. For some reason though, I find myself applying for ski season jobs and sure enough, I land a last minute job in The Alps. I question myself and if this is really the best decision financially, but after a hellish time on the boat, my craving for alpine life overwhelms me and I head to France... because yolo.

I have an amazing time in Morzine and the crew are all superstars. My besties range from 19 - 31 and I have a fantastic three months skiing. I take my skiing seriously and work to improve, which really pays off! During the season though, the looming fear of what to do in summer soon approaches...

I use all my schengen days on my season (I end up extending my time there because I'm having such a good time), so I can go back to the yacht for Med season 2. I am a little gutted, because I miss my friends and the money of course, but it's the choice I go with. I reconnect with my old boss at the summer camp I first worked in back when I was 18. She gives me the job and I start that May, relief...

March comes and I leave Morzine. I am waved off by my two favourite Aussie's. I am in the UK for five days before leaving for Bali with my parents (more on that trip here). I have a fab time - Indo is just the best. I get back six weeks later, put my things in the wash and repack for America. I fly to Boston a week later, eeek! The States is an absolute fabulous time and I'm thrilled to find a lovely group of people in their late twenties / early thirties who are in a similar position to me. We bond instantly and I have a great summer.

Fast forward to now, where I am embracing the English winter in Plymouth, UK. I am still figuring things out and am planning a future for myself - which is daunting, but it is nice to feel grounded. My sister is also back from Indo, so it's lovely to be with her. I am dating again, which honestly deserve a post in itself.

The present

The journey out of my twenties and into my thirties has been quite messy. There have been unpredictable twists and turns, abrupt heart break, unforeseen feelings of loneliness, eye opening realisations, feelings of deep confusion, random career breaks, self doubt, a lack of confidence and unexpected scenarios that shook me up and catapulted me off a big rock, with no warning in sight. BUT, I if I didn't experience the things that I have, then I would have never learnt that things can change in a heartbeat, that hard times never last, that we are not our thoughts (this is a big one) and that something good can alway come out of something bad.

When I flip the narrative, I feel proud that my life has been made up of decisions that made my heart sing, that challenge me to be a better person and that have toughened me up and made me more resilient.

It's no wonder really, that I am where I am right now. I didn't fall in love in my twenties, so I didn't settle down young and start a family. I didn't love my career, so I quit and changed it at 26 and then again at 29. I wanted to reconnect to nature after Covid, so I moved down to Cornwall and found a love of surfing. I did not save for a home, because I spent my money on exploring the world. I sold my van because I wanted travel solo and do my yoga teacher training. I never settle in relationships, because I know that there is someone out there who is going to rock my world.

I know that every choice I have made has led me to where I am today and for that I am very grateful.

Do what makes your heart sing and deal with the rest later.

Bex :)