Why Being Happy in Your Own Company is a Superpower.

Rebecca Taylor
Apr 19
6 min read

If there is one thing I have learnt over the years from working seasonal jobs and navigating life, it's that great power and peace come from being content in your own company. Here's how I learnt to embrace solitude...

It's October 2023. Summer has come to a close and I'm at a loose end for what to do next. Most of my mates have left town and I am torn between sticking around or booking a trip to escape the impending winter. The lease is up on my flat, so I pack my bags and retreat home, feeling a little deflated. After a few weeks of moping around, I decided to do what all lost souls do with no money and book a flight to the other side of the world. I end up picking Central America. A friend books on too, but just days later plans fall through unexpectedly. I’m left awkwardly twiddling my thumbs with a one-way ticket to San José and a knot in my stomach knowing I’d have to go alone, not ideal, I think.

I had a lot of anxious thoughts going through my mind at that time. I spent hours catastrophising every worst-case scenario until I felt sick with nerves and very nearly cancelled the flight. I am not a seasoned solo traveller and have always travelled with friends or been in group situations. However, I figured that if I went, regardless of how anxious I might initially feel, something would shift in me for the better. Or I’d hate it and never travel alone again. Either way, I’d definitely learn something.

Just before I left the UK, I bought a journal and decided to dump my thoughts in there instead of having a mild panic attack on the plane (I really dislike flying). On the flight, I wrote nine poems, filled 2o pages of my journal and did not watch a single movie in nine hours. I also got an upgrade to business, which led to the best nap I had ever taken on a plane. It was kind of glorious.

The trip itself turned out to be a great time. I tackled the discomfort of being alone one day at a time and ended up loving it 90% of the time. I still had moments of feeling lonely and wishing I had someone to share things with, but I also noticed how much more connected I was to myself and to those around me. It was also very liberating being able to do whatever I wanted to do, without any compromises.

After that trip, I continued working seasonal jobs, bouncing around, making new friends and spending more and more time solo, often intentionally.

I started to write down things that had shifted in me as a result of spending more alone time. Here are my hot outakes...

1 - feeling less insecure

There have been many times when I have been too scared to branch out on my own because I was worried or nervous that it wouldn't work out or that I'd be 'alone'. However, as I got older, I started to see being alone as an opportunity to expand who I am. I now ask myself things like: what do I actually like to do in my spare time? What brings me down? What drains my energy? What lights me up? Who makes me feel good about myself and who makes me shitty about myself?

I started to feel much less insecure about who I was when I started to do things for myself, rather than to appease someone else (because doing those things made me feel more like me).

2 - thinking for myself (and not spiralling when times get hard)

It is pretty easy for us to absorb other people's opinions and take them on as our own without even realising it. When we live in certain areas or are part of particular social groups, we can end up becoming a product of our environment, rather than actually thinking and acting independently.

I know I've been a victim of this many times and still am occasionally (mainly because I can't be bothered with the potential fallout). Time spent alone gives me space to listen to what's going on inside and to block out the noise. More often than not, I know what the right thing to do is; it's just giving myself time to think it through and to trust myself.

3 - not waiting around for someone to say 'yes'

We’ve all been there, holding off on that trip, that new hobby, that bold life move because we’re waiting for someone to do it with us. The reality is, the longer we wait, the more life slips us past. I know it is cliche to say this, but we don't want to look back and wish we had acted differently when we had more time or were younger or had the perfect partner.

Spending time alone can feel daunting at first, like suddenly being handed the microphone at a karaoke night you didn’t sign up for. But then you realise you love karaoke and the microphone is in your hand, so you may as well belt out a banger.

3 - being braver at making decisions

I enjoy relying on those around me for advice, don't get me wrong, but when I am on my own, I know that I have to make decisions independently and sometimes quickly!

Making a choice, then dealing with the outcome regardless of whether it's good or bad far outweighs letting life make it for you. I truly believe that you'll get to where you need to be regardless of which route you take, so just pick one and see what happens...

4 - realising that I might like myself?!

I got to a point last year when I started to like myself and what I was putting out into the world. I am proud of the person I am becoming, despite still making a lot of mistakes. I am, however, constantly working on ways that I can be kinder, more empathetic and more positive - because when you vibrate with good, positive energy, good positive things start to happen. Have you ever had really negative thoughts about yourself, and then really bad things start to happen?

5 - choosing relationships from a place of wholeness

One thing I have learnt over the years is that when you love your own company, you stop clinging to relationships out of fear. You don’t settle for lukewarm connections just to avoid being alone.

I think a lot of people see being alone as some sort of tragic fate, but imagine being so comfortable in your own company that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, without fear or judgment of those around you? I think that's pretty cool.

6 - just breathe...

Meditation has been a big win in my life. When I feel off, lonely or in a bit of a funk, I try to meditate and be still. It never fails to amaze me how a 15-minute meditation can release unexpected emotion. This has been a great mechanism for me when dealing with challenging times or when I feel super anxious.

I've learnt that when life gets tough, I don’t need to depend on someone else to get me through it. Knowing that I have the ability to calm myself down, to take time out when I need to, makes me feel ready to take on anything.

8 - start screaming from the rooftop

If you had no one to cheer you on, would you have it within you to become your own biggest supporter? Would you be able to celebrate your victories, regardless of how big or small they were? Could you tell yourself to keep going, even when you really did not want to continue? Do you have the guts to follow your dreams? Can you push away feelings of doubt and manifest a bright future for yourself?

Spending time alone has made me realise that I can do hard things all by myself and that I am so much more resilient than my thoughts often tell me. I can make shit happen for myself and do not need seek approval from others, because I know exactly what I can bring to the table!

Deep down, I know my worth, I just need to work on screaming it from the rooftop without caring about what anyone else thinks.

***

I have found that being happy in your own company is one of the most freeing feelings in the world.

It’s not about rejecting people or relationships; it’s about knowing that no matter where life takes you, you’ve always got your own back.

It means you are never stuck.

It means you don’t have to wait for someone else to live your life.

It means you trust yourself so deeply that no matter what happens, you know you are going to be okay and that is a pretty darn good feeling.